Free Black AI Voice Generator — Atlanta Woman, Low Energy

Ok y'all, so I finally got around to watching this ridiculous movie, Dirty Dancing. And girl, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. So apparently it's a romantic drama about a seventeen year old girl named "Baby", and yes girl, heavy on the "Baby."

So the movie's about this little girl that falls in love with a working class dance instructor named Johnny while she summer vacation with her family. And I guess this story supposed to be a Romeo and Juliet type of tale for people who wanna dance, but they could've fooled me.

Because they want us to think that the problem is that these are just two innocent star crossed lovers from two different social classes. But nah girl, that ain't the problem.

The problem is that she's seventeen and he's what, sixty seven? I mean I get it, we ain't supposed to know what Johnny's actual age supposed to be. But child, it don't take a rocket scientist to know Johnny's ass is a birthday or two away from filing for Social Security.

Like girl, I couldn't get past the fact that this man looks like he remembered the day World War Two ended. And y'all, they know they dead ass wrong for naming that little girl "Baby."

Y'all ain't fooling me honey. I see what y'all doing. Y'all was out here straight normalizing Billionaire Island behavior.

Because y'all can't be serious talking about, "her daddy is mad because Johnny grown ass is from a different social class," "and not because his teenage daughter is running around with a man that's already passed his midlife crisis."

So of course they fall in love, and Johnny come back for the talent show, does a fake ass Chris Brown impression, and win everybody over with this iconic lift.

But girl, I ain't going to lie, I've seen better dancing from Olympic break dancers. But they want us to believe that all it takes is some slick dance moves for everybody to forget that Johnny ass needs to be investigated.

Because basically, the moral of the story is that if you can dance good enough, then it'll help fathers everywhere forget that you robbing the cradle. I wouldn't be surprised if this was R Kelly's favorite movie.

But nah for real, because I'm a need somebody to explain me why the main conflict was Johnny being broke, and not why this grown man dancing with a baby. Heavy on the baby.

Girl, the only thing good about that entire movie is that it's about white people. Because could you imagine how mad Black people would be if the story centered around a Black man with two mortgages that could bust a move right into the pants of a teenage girl?

Exactly. So yeah, I'm glad they like it, because after all, they ain't like us anyway. Right, Kendrick?

Anyways, that's why I don't like Dirty Dancing.

You know I’ve never been a fan of the Little Mermaid. I’m sorry, but I'm King side.

Because why did they spend the entire movie trying to convince me that this man was wrong for being worried about his teenage daughter? Because mind you, Ariel ass was sneaking out the house, collecting illegal human contraband skipping family functions, and obsessing over a man.

Yes. This teenage girl, emphasis on girl, was in love with a grown ass man that she saw for no more than five minutes.

I mean yeah, he was fine-shit, but still girl, it was only 5 minutes. So yeah I’m totally with King Triton when he was like, ‘Absolutely not.’ And honestly?

This just goes to show y’all how real daddy’s supposed to show up for their little girls. Because girl, he knew Eric-ass was fake the minute Vanessa showed up with a pretty face and Ariels stolen butt and a tired ass weave.

And of course just like a man, Eric-ass folded like a lawn chair. Because I mean, it only took him like 2 seconds to forget who Ariel even was. He forgot my girl name, arranged a whole wedding, and was ready to wife up a girl he met on shore 20 seconds ago within 24 hours.

Man I swear men be so green when it comes to a big butt and a smile and they stay wondering why they always getting set the fuck up. But if you like me and don’t like the movie, well guess what?

The original story ain’t no better. Because in the original, Ariel gives up her voice changes her entire body, stalks this man, and what does he do?

Marry somebody else. Yes girl, he marries another woman too easily for me. And when Ariel finally gets the courage to Pack his ass up and save herself?

She like, nah. Like, seriously? And then she dissolves and turns into seafoam.

Yes, Seafoam girl. And a man. A man!

So for real for real, if you ask me, King Triton wasn’t being controlling. He was doing what fathers do.

Because He was looking at his daughter like, ‘look, I’m trying to prevent you from becoming a baby mama over a man who don’t even know you.’ Because just like most dumb-ass teenagers, my girl Ariel really was like ‘I will abandon my family, lose my voice, change my entire species, and risk my life.’ And for what?

A man? Like, girl be for real. Anyways, that’s why I don’t like Little Mermaid.