Free Black AI Voice Generator — Southern Woman, High Energy

Okay, so here’s my problem with Beauty and the Beast. Girl, it was literally just Stockholm syndrome with a fire soundtrack. Because how you going to tell me, you about to go put hands on my daddy and lock him up in a basement, but then I got to go down there to go get him?

And when I go down there to go get him, your ugly ass talking about some, “oh, you can have your daddy back, but you got to stay locked up here with me.” And I'm like,“ um cool.

Okay. I'll do that for my daddy.” But then your Beastly-Ass going to get an attitude because I don't want to eat dinner with a man who just kicked my old ass daddy out of a cold and damp dungeon.

Now mind you, he sent my daddy up the street in a bum-ass car. So no, I ain’t rocking with you Beast because you just stole my daddy and I ain't even get to tell him goodbye.

Yeah, Beast had me all the way messed up. Like, how you mad? Like for real for real?

All because I don't want to eat dinner with my opp? Talking about some. “Fine, if she don’t want to eat dinner with me, then she ain’t got to eat at all!”

Like, Beast stop playing with me for real. Oh and girl, I ain’t trying to scare you or nothing, but for real I think he might beat you later.

Like, I don't know. I'm not a psychologist, but if he asks you to eat some cake girl?

Oh and then he finally sets her free, but this girl had the nerve to come back. Like Girl, Run. I mean That should have been the end of the movie because like Belle, Girl, What are you doing?

Seriously? And then the damn candlestick and stopwatch man was over there getting on my damn nerves trying to convince her to stay.

Talking about some, “he just a little rough around the edges.” But you know what? I ain’t even mad because if I had to be a candlestick and a fitbit for 200 years, I'll be like, “hey so yeah, I’m sorry but old girl is going to have to take this L for me because I can't keep having wax melt down the crack of my behind for eternity.”

So yeah, I get it, I get it. So now they got my girl Belle looking at this man-beast-thing like, “Dang he kind of fine.”

No girl. He ain’t fine. Your ass just got Stockholm syndrome.

And then the worst part is that he had the audacity to turn into a human at the end and look better as a beast. I think we collectively say it.

Um no. You ugly. Like for real.

Your ass is ugly. And you need to turn back into the beast if this what you look like as a human. So if we being for real?

Y’all can keep the last 10 minutes of that movie. Oh And why don't nobody ever talk about how that teacup lady had a whole baby? Like girl, um how old is that woman?

Because why she look like she been collecting social security checks yet whole time she got a toddler. I feel like I'm missing something.

Anyway, they need to make an alternate ending where he stays the beast because that movie is lowkey trash.

I can't believe y'all got me talking about this tired ass Beauty and the Beast movie again. But girl, that movie is pure trash.

Like for real, because they got my girl Belle singing a song about how she just too fine and special for her regular ass town full of people that clearly don't got no health benefits.

Like child, this is probably what Taylor Swift felt like growing up. Like I'm more than sure she was feeling like this heffa. Because girl, Belle is supposed to be what, seventeen on a good day?

her daddy got to be what, a few years from seventy four? Like what happened here bitch? For real, because he's either on Viagra or he pulling a classic "Grandad got a whole other family" trick because child, I'm confused.

Because since he about to die, Papa decides to go show his tired ass inventions at the fair. But he must have got lost on the way there, because he clearly chooses the road where dope boys live.

Girl for real, because even his horse is like, "nigga, are you fucking serious?" So it ain't even a surprise when his dumb ass ends up in an evil castle with talking furniture.

Because when the Beast finds him he like, "nah, I don't think so. You getting locked the fuck up." But I guess at this time, you could just arrest anybody.

You know, the good old days when you could just have personal prisoners. I know some people that miss them days. But anyway, so Belle goes to find him and just offers herself up to change places with her dad.

Now mind you, this is for life, not a weekend. So call me crazy, but I just feel like she wanted this. Because girl, it was way too easy for her to be like, "yeah, I'll do it.

I sign up as tribute." And her own daddy was like, "bitch, be for real. This man a whole beast out here.

Like what the fuck are you doing?" And she's like, "No daddy. It's fine.

Put me up in the prison for life. I'll be okay." Now keep in mind that the Beast had a curse put on him by a witch because he was being a fuck nigga on a stormy night.

So now? His curse is to have to fuck the baddest bitch in town or live as a beast forever. And they want us to think that this is somehow a tough situation.

So here she is Beast. Who would've guessed that the baddest bitch in town just so happens to be into bestiality?

So here go Belle dumb ass, changing places with her daddy like, "oh no. Look where I ended up. So what you going to do to me, Beast, huh?

You just going to push me up against that chair?" So this is why I wasn't even surprised to find out that the Beast loves birds, because what the fuck is Belle if not a dumb ass bird?

And of course Belle slow ass is so turned on by this that she got to excuse herself, step behind a tree and gather herself, because she clearly more moist than a beach towel.

Because bitch, at this point, the bar ain't even low no more. Now the bar is giving ocean floor. Nah, fuck that, now it's giving Earth's core, bitch.

So after that they have a date night to they self, and Miss Potts sings a song called, and you can quote me on this, "I think they going to fuck."

And of course this hating ass nigga is jealous that the Beast is clapping Belle cheeks. So he gathers all the town folk to go knock the door down of the castle.

But the house ain't going down like that so somehow some way, the wardrobe kills a man. Like bitch, look, that man is clearly dead as hell.

And finally, when the Beast got a whole chance to kill his biggest hater, they going to have him spare him, because now all of a sudden he a changed man. And then here come Belle like, "Beast."

"Beast?" Bitch, what? I'm sorry, you still calling this man Beast?

Like girl, at this point it's giving disrespect. Like girl, honestly? At this point in y'all relationship, why you ain't calling him Bay or Boo?

Or how about say his name, like "Greg, don't." Nah for real, like did I miss something? Because did they just get done fucking and he was like, "okay, so my name is Steve."

And she was like, "nah bruh, your name Beast. Don't kill the vibe." Like for real y'all, I can't stand this movie.

Ok y'all, so I finally got around to watching this ridiculous movie, Dirty Dancing. And girl, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. So apparently it's a romantic drama about a seventeen year old girl named "Baby", and yes girl, heavy on the "Baby."

So the movie's about this little girl that falls in love with a working class dance instructor named Johnny while she on summer vacation with her family. And I guess this story supposed to be a Romeo and Juliet type of tale for people who wanna dance, they could've fooled me.

Because they want us to think that the problem is that these are just two innocent star crossed lovers from two different social classes. But nah girl, that ain't the problem.

The problem is that she's seventeen and he's what, sixty seven? I mean I get it, we ain't supposed to know what Johnny's actual age is supposed to be.

But child, it don't take a rocket scientist to know Johnny's ass is a birthday or two away from filing for Social Security. Like girl, I couldn't get past the fact that this man looks like he remembered the day World War Two ended.

y'all, they know they dead ass wrong for naming that little girl "Baby." Y'all ain't fooling me honey. I see what y'all doing.

Y'all was out here straight normalizing Billionaire Island behavior. Because y'all can't be serious talking about, "her daddy is mad because Johnny grown ass is from a different social class," "and not because his teenage daughter is running around with a man that's already passed his midlife crisis."

So of course they fall in love, and Johnny come back for the talent show, does a fake ass Chris Brown impression, and win everybody over with this iconic lift.

But girl, I ain't going to lie, I've seen better dancing from Olympic break dancers. But they want us to believe that all it takes is some slick dance moves for everybody to forget that Johnny ass needs to be investigated.

Because basically, the moral of the story is that if you can dance good enough, then it'll help fathers everywhere forget that you robbing the cradle. I wouldn't be surprised if this was R Kelly's favorite movie.

But nah for real, because I'm a need somebody to explain to me why the main conflict was Johnny being broke, and not why this grown man dancing with a baby. Heavy on the baby.

Girl, the only thing good about that entire movie is that it's about white people. Because could you imagine how mad Black people would be if the story centered around a Black man with two mortgages that could bust a move right into the pants of a teenage girl?

Exactly. So yeah, I'm glad they like it, because after all, they ain't like us anyway. Right, Kendrick?

Anyways, that's why I don't like Dirty Dancing.

You know I’ve never been a fan of the Little Mermaid. I’m sorry, but I'm on King Triton's side. Because why did they spend the entire movie trying to convince me that this man was wrong for being worried about his teenage daughter?

Because mind you, Ariel ass was sneaking out the house, collecting illegal human contraband skipping family functions, and obsessing over a man.

This teenage girl, emphasis on girl, was in love with a grown ass man that for no more than five minutes. I mean yeah, he was fine-shit, but still girl, it was only 5 minutes.

So yeah I’m totally with King Triton when he was like, ‘Absolutely not.’ And honestly? This just goes to show y’all how real daddy’s supposed to show up for their little girls.

Because girl, he knew Eric-ass was fake the minute Vanessa showed up with a pretty face and Ariels stolen butt and a tired ass weave. And of course just like a man, Eric-ass folded like a lawn chair.

Because I mean, it only took him like 2 seconds to forget who Ariel even was. He forgot my girl name, arranged a whole wedding, and was ready to wife up a girl he met on shore 20 seconds ago within 24 hours.

Man I swear men be so green when it comes to a big butt and a smile and they stay wondering why they always getting set the fuck up. But if you like me and don’t like the movie, well guess what?

The original story ain’t no better. Because in the original, Ariel gives up her voice changes her entire body, stalks man, and what does he do?

Marry somebody else. Yes girl, he marries another woman too easily for me. And when Ariel finally gets the courage to Pack his ass up and save herself?

She like, nah. Like, seriously? And then she dissolves and turns into seafoam.

Yes, Seafoam girl. And all for a man. man!

So for real for real, if you ask me, King Triton wasn’t being controlling. He was doing what fathers do.

Because He was looking at his daughter like, ‘look, I’m trying to prevent you from becoming a baby mama over a man who don’t even know you.’ Because just like most dumb-ass teenagers, my girl Ariel really was like ‘I will abandon my family, lose my voice, change my entire species, and risk my life.’ And for what?

A man? Like, girl be for real. Anyways, that’s why I don’t like Little Mermaid.

So of course they fall in love, and Johnny come back for the talent show, does a fake ass Chris Brown impression, and win everybody over with this iconic lift.

But girl, I ain't going to lie, I've seen better dancing from Olympic break dancers. But they want us to believe that all it takes is some slick dance moves for everybody to forget that Johnny ass needs to be investigated.

Because basically, the moral of the story is that if you can dance good enough, then it'll help fathers everywhere forget that you robbing the cradle. I wouldn't be surprised if this was R Kelly's favorite movie.

But nah for real, because I'm a need somebody to explain to me why the main conflict was Johnny being broke, and not why this grown man dancing with a baby. Heavy on the baby.

Girl, the only thing good about that entire movie is that it's about white people.

Alright so boom. I moved to a new school and I'm trying to make friends whatever whatever. So then, outta nowhere, these three girls come up to me and asked me to sit at their table.

Now, unbeknownst to me at the time, those are the 'plastics'— you know, the mean girls of the school. However comma, I thought they seemed pretty cool at first.

So we start talking, we start chatting, but then the main girl going to ask me about 'being from Africa.' Now mind you— whole time?

Everybody that know me know I don't play like that, so I don't know what they was on. So then out of nowhere Regina, the main girl was like, 'so, on Wednesdays, we wear pink.'

Now I ain't even going to hold you— it was a Thursday when she said this. But they was all wearing pink, so that's what had me confused. But I ain't think much of it and moved on with my day.

So, I go to my math class, and guess what? I got some fine shit sitting behind me. So I started chatting with him, whatever whatever.

Now whole time, though— that was Regina's recent ex. So fast forward a couple weeks and Halloween comes up, and Regina's trying to help me figure out what to wear.

Now come to find out, she was playing games— trying to trick me so she could get back with her nigga that's clearly feeling me, but even then, her nigga still want me.

So now this bitch mad at me and so then she going to walk up to me talking about how 'I'm a homeschooled jungle freak' and how I'm 'a less hot version of her.' So now I'm like, riddle me this then bitch— If you supposed to be all that, well then why your nigga still want me then?

So long story short, I really do feel bad for the girl, because she ended up getting hit by a bus and ended up in the hospital and everything.

But for real for real, that was her fault anyway because I still don't know why she was standing in the bus lane right after school let out because whole time she knowing the bus driver be driving crazy as hell.

But, I digress. Now, I said all this to say— girl, never change schools in the middle of your senior year.